As Britney Spears once said in one of her songs, "It's been a while". And it has, for both me, and those who've wasted their time reading my extremely long-winded blog posts. I believe I last left off with the delema I had between me and my friend, whom I'm pretty sure I called M, and how he gave his girlfriend a promise ring. Turns out, we didn't have feelings for each other. He's just a really great guy; attractive, smart, tall, dark hair, and I was just a girl who happened to be really close to him. We were just at a confusing stage, and now that we know we don't like each other, we're super close and I'm helping him through his long-distance relationship.

Anyways, I've been super busy. I've had swim meets every weekend for the past two months (except this weekend because it's Thanksgiving weekend), I've had tons of homework (damn grade 10 at a private school) and guess what else?!?!? I'm in a relationship with the best guy ever! Yes, okay, we just started to date, but he's so great. He opens the door for me, he paid for the date (I'm not a gold-digger, it's just that guys rarely do any of this anymore), and he pulled out my chair, he gave me his jacket when I "looked" cold. The other day he even met my dad, called him "sir" and "Mr. Fritzler", yeah, the whole nine yards, and my dad approves of him, something that none of my other boyfriends have accomplished.

So all in all, I'm in a pretty good mood, surprisingly. I had been in a pissy mood until everything started to turn out. My ex is no where in sight, actually, we never even talk. I've got a great group of girl and guy friends, whom I'm supporting and are supporting me. I placed second in my whole swim meet last weekend, something that I've never accomplished before (I normally place lower, so I'm pretty proud of myself). And now I've got a boy who so far, seems to like me for me, and I don't know why I waited so long to accept him asking me out. <3

So I haven't posted in a really long time... I should really continue to post, but sometimes it's hard to make the time (bad excuse, I know).

The other day I was at my dad's house and my ex's old host brother called. Let's call him M, and his twin brother A. They're both 17 and just graduated. Anyways, M called me, which he normally does about every other day. This call was a little different though; he needed a favour from me. They had a new Spanish girl living with them and he wanted me to show her around the school and get to know her, you know, so she wouldn't be alone in high school. I, of course, agreed. So M picked me up and we stopped at the school. He left but came back to drive his girlfriend to work. I signed the Spanish girl up for classes and showed her around the school. I told her what the dress code was and all that fun stuff. I even told her wear to get clothes in case most of hers didn't fit what our school wanted.

M took me and the Spanish girl shopping for clothes at the Southland, food for supper at Superstore and for new speakers for M at Best Buy. Finally, we got back to his place and M's parents were home. They were really happy to see me, which sort of surprised me. They never seemed to like me very much, but I think they were suprised that I would ever come back to their place. Anyways, M made tacos for supper, which were actually pretty good. I stayed there and we looked at an atlas. (Both of us have always had an interest in looking at maps... Don't ask.) Then my dad called me and told me that I should get home soon.

M offered to drive me home, and I let him. (He just recently got his lisence and now he wants to drive people everywhere.) I gave him directions, crappy ones at that, just so that we could be together a little longer. I mean, he's a great guy and I wanted to spend more time with him. When he finally got to my house, I told him I'd call him and went to get out. He got out too and came over to my side. He gave me a hug. It was sort of awkward since I don't think I've ever hugged M before. As I started to pull away, I looked at his eyes. They were the most beautiful dark brown I've ever seen. I noticed his mouth coming closer to mine and I pulled away. I mean, he has a girlfriend and stuff. I told him goodnight and I rushed up to my house.

So now I'm super confused. I don't know if I have feelings for M or not.. :S

 Alright. So, it's been over a month since my boyfriend left. And I'm still breathing.

It's hard to believe that I actually survived being alone for so long. Weird. And I actually barely talked to him over skype. The first time I did, it was coincidental. He was awake early and checked skype and I was up late, thinking about him, of course, and we were both on. But the crazy thing is, it was like we didn't have anything to talk about. We used to spend all our time texting, calling, IMing, emailing, and talking about whatever. It was rarely important, but we would still spend most of our time talking about it.

But that time, for some reason, it was like we didn't even know each other. It was so damn awkward, and I don't even know why. And when he logged off to go back to bed, it felt like he left the country all over again, and I didn't even get time to say goodbye... I was broken. Again.

The next time we were online was planned. We had planned it at the end of our last conversation. He wasn't online so I waited... For a damn-long time; almost an hour to be exact. When he was online, he said he was sorry and whatever, but that he was "busy with something". I got mad. I just exploded, and every bad thing he had ever done to me I brought up. Everything. How I suspected he was with me just to have sex with and then leave the country, with no regrets. How he insulted my chest size in front of all my friends and never apologized. How even though during school we were normally with my friends, after school we were ALWAYS with his friends and we ALWAYS did what he wanted to, no questions asked. How I had a freak out when he wasn't going to share this complicated cake with him after he practically told me to make it. How he had to disagree with everything someone said. How when I asked him over for supper, he told me he couldn't come, and then two hours later, he came over, expecting me to have a full meal ready for him. And how even after all this shit, I forgave him and I still loved him.

You know what he said? He said he was tired of hearing me complain about a relationship that wasn't ever going to work.