Wednesday, 05 August 2009

  • One Month.

     Alright. So, it's been over a month since my boyfriend left. And I'm still breathing.

    It's hard to believe that I actually survived being alone for so long. Weird. And I actually barely talked to him over skype. The first time I did, it was coincidental. He was awake early and checked skype and I was up late, thinking about him, of course, and we were both on. But the crazy thing is, it was like we didn't have anything to talk about. We used to spend all our time texting, calling, IMing, emailing, and talking about whatever. It was rarely important, but we would still spend most of our time talking about it.

    But that time, for some reason, it was like we didn't even know each other. It was so damn awkward, and I don't even know why. And when he logged off to go back to bed, it felt like he left the country all over again, and I didn't even get time to say goodbye... I was broken. Again.

    The next time we were online was planned. We had planned it at the end of our last conversation. He wasn't online so I waited... For a damn-long time; almost an hour to be exact. When he was online, he said he was sorry and whatever, but that he was "busy with something". I got mad. I just exploded, and every bad thing he had ever done to me I brought up. Everything. How I suspected he was with me just to have sex with and then leave the country, with no regrets. How he insulted my chest size in front of all my friends and never apologized. How even though during school we were normally with my friends, after school we were ALWAYS with his friends and we ALWAYS did what he wanted to, no questions asked. How I had a freak out when he wasn't going to share this complicated cake with him after he practically told me to make it. How he had to disagree with everything someone said. How when I asked him over for supper, he told me he couldn't come, and then two hours later, he came over, expecting me to have a full meal ready for him. And how even after all this shit, I forgave him and I still loved him.

    You know what he said? He said he was tired of hearing me complain about a relationship that wasn't ever going to work.

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